10 days baby boy

It's been 10 days since Kayden became an Angel <3 I miss him so much it hurts. I wish I could hear him yell for me or at me. I wish I could just talk to him & him talk back. Because yes, I do talk to him EVERY day & I still tell him every night, goodnight & I love him..So call me crazy, that's okay because after all I've been through I think it'll be okay if I am crazy now. It all still seems so unreal. I expect him to yell for me to get him out of bed, or even see him walk through the hall to the living room & stop at the door for me to come pick him up. I've been to the cemetery every day since we laid him to rest Monday July 18. Even if it's only a second to be sure no one has messed with his flowers. They'll probably be getting his flowers from his service tomorrow, they are all ugly and dead from the heat. So we got new ones from Wal-Mart & 2 Spongebob balloons <3 I just know he would love them! All I keep thinking of is, he isn't hurting anymore but some days that doesn't help. I also have to keep believing and reminding myself, if it wasn't his time to go, God wouldn't have taken him. If God didn't want Kayden to be an Angel that early morning, he would have helped that big ole heart beat some more. That is one thing that has gotten me through all of this is my faith, I handed everything over to God & I knew it would be okay. He took care of Kayden, he took all of his pain away because he knew it would never be over. Even after transplant he would have had to still go back every year to be sure his body wasn't rejecting it. So it would NEVER be over even after transplant. I believe we are all here for a purpose, I also believe as soon as we are born God has our 'expiration' date written down. I don't know what Kayden's purpose was unless it was to make me see how strong I am, because he sure did & he made everyone around him strong. He showed us the true meaning of life. & I do believe when it's my time to go I'll see that beautiful smile again. And as bad as it may sound, that gives me something to look forward to. I love you my sweet Angel <3 Watch over all of us, we miss you to the moon & back plus more <3 xoxo