Strength.Courage.Hope: 1 year down, lifetime to go

Monday, June 18, 2012

1 year down, lifetime to go

I can't believe that I've started the last month of the first year without my son. People think that I'm better, truth is no I'm not. I'll never be better. I wake up every day not knowing what it'll be like. Some days are ok, some are pure hell. I know I'll be falling to pieces as soon as June 28 gets here. I know exactly 2 weeks later will be when my son went to Heaven. I miss him so much, I wish I had an idea of when I could see him again. I mean at least while he was here I got to look forward to seeing him in like 2 days. Now all I can say is I will see him again one day. One day could be 60 years from now, but to be honest I don't know if I'll make it that long without him. I believe people can die from a broken heart. When I die my heart will be broken because I lived so many years without my child, without a piece of me.

Soo for Kayden's Angelversary, we are going to do a balloon release, I'm asking only a few of my good friends who've been there for me to come. When I say been there, I mean the ones who didn't disappear after his service. I had a lot of people who disappeared afterwards. And that's when I needed people most. My GOD I LOST MY SON! It's not like losing a parent, husband, or friend. IT IS YOUR CHILD, A PART OF YOU. I've always said there is no love like a mother and her son. I formed that bond with him when I carried him for 36 weeks. I loved him from the first time I heard his heart beating. That is something no one can possibly understand unless they've got a child I guess. And even still some people may not get it. So anyways, I do ask anyone anywhere if you remember please release a white balloon for Kayden for his 1 year in Heaven ♥

So I told Kayden one day that I wish I could just hear his heart beating one more time. The most amazing thing happened. I did! I did hear it! I found a video of my detailed sono of Kayden & Alexis. We watched Lexi's then put Kayden's in & sure enough when they were measuring beats per minute I HEARD HIS HEART BEAT! My little Angel is still helping me now! That is amazing, I'll cherish it forever because I can hear his heart beat any time I want to ♥

Until next time....

No comments:

Post a Comment

About Me

My name is Misty. I'm 26 years old from Roanoke, VA. I am a single mom to my little ones. I've got 5 kids. Alexis, Kayden, Tavion & Isaiah. Kayden is my little Angel, he went to live with the Angels July 14, 2011 waiting on a heart transplant, he was 3.5 years old. Alexis is my oldest she is almost 9, Tavion is 5, Isaiah is 4, and Elijah is 4 months. I enjoy reading, watching movies, blogging, quiet nights(when possible), and long drives listening to music. I started blogging to tell people about Kayden's journey with a broken heart, now it's about life with him as an Angel & how I deal and you'll also get to know my other little ones. You can also visit Kayden's page at www.kaydenjames.weebly.com or on facebook at www.facebook.com/KaydenJamesCHDAngel

My Family

Little Miss Lexi

Alexis is my first child & my only girl. She was born on February 9, 2006. I found out I was pregnant with Lexi 2 months after I had a miscarriage. I was quite surprised that I was pregnant but I was excited along with scared and nervous. She is the best big sister anyone could ask for. She helps with her brothers & she helps me if I need her to..She is a very smart little girl as well, right now she is in preschool. I can't believe my baby girl is almost in Kindergarten. It's true that time doesn't stop for nothing.

Superman

Kayden took his first breath on December 21, 2007 and took his last breath on July 14, 2011. Kayden was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate, dilated cardiomyopathy & a displaced tricuspid valve with tricuspid regurgitation. He had 6 surgeries in his 3 1/2 years. He had 3 to complete his cleft lip/palate, pyloric stenosis at a month old, a preauricular cyst removed & open heart surgery on March 17, 2011. He always had a smile on his face no matter how many challenges were thrown his way. I miss my child more than anything in this world. I love Kayden more than words can ever say. I am broken and will never be repaired, he was my life & my heart is shattered since he lost his battle with his CHD. I'll never stop telling his story because people need to be aware of what is possible & I would like to think that Kayden's life will save another child.

Crazy Tavy

My middle boy, Tavion James. Tavion was born on May 13, 2009 at 37 weeks. He was my biggest yet shortest baby born lol! He is a handful right now he is at the age he wants to get into everything. Although he is small still he holds his ground and has an attitude. He is starting to get into the terrible twos which is never fun but we will survive. He's an amazing little boy and always keep us smiling. Tavion has no health problems that we've noticed and hopefully he continues to stay that way.

Superman's Baby

Isaiah James was welcomed into the world on December 16, 2010 at 3:02 a.m. He weighed 7 lbs 11 oz. & was 20 1/2 inches!! He had a head full of beautiful black hair (just like his sister did). Kayden absolutely loved him and called him his baby. He's so full of energy, loves his brothers and his sister.
My Rainbow

Elijah was born on August 22, 2014, he was 7 lbs 14.8 oz. He's an absolute blessing. Elijah is my rainbow baby, I was so unsure about having more kids after I lost Kayden, but now I see Kayden picked this little fella to send me. I couldn't imagine my life without him. His smile brightens up my darkest day.