Strength.Courage.Hope: May 2012

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

10 months..

I've been slacking on my blogging. I just haven't had the time and really I don't right now because I'm so tired!! So yesterday was 10 months since I held my son for the last time & told him how much I'd miss him & already did....it was 10 months since Kayden went to Heaven & it was a hard day, it's in the double digits now....meaning in 2 short months..it'll be 1 year since I've seen that precious face. I realized I hadn't gone through his pictures in a few days and when I did I cried. It was so hard. I miss him so much and I wish things were different. I see so many posts about faith and mending little hearts and although I've seen the mending of little hearts, I've also seen the broken little hearts never be mended, but yet faith remains.

I do celebrate for these families but my own heart is shattered as I do. MY SON WAS MY EVERYTHING. My one fear was losing him. Now I'm afraid of him being forgotten. I'll be doing a donation for Kayden's 1 year Angelversary. This will be things given to the pediatric classroom at UVa, the teacher there was amazing with my child & I want to help her. We'll also be giving things to the Ronald McDonald House. Again in December, I'll do his toy donation which I hope is as big of a success as it was last year.

Somethings I realized the other day and I hadn't really thought about it until then was the first's Kayden will never experience, he'll never have his first day of school, his first t-ball or football game. He'll never have his first dance at school, or his first A on a test. He'll never get to drive a car or have a job. He'll never have his own family.

This all breaks my heart, our future was stolen from us it seems. Kayden will never meet his nieces or nephews that his brothers or sister have. I can't help but think of those things. I wish we could go back in time so I could be with him again, just to feel him. Kiss him. Tell him how much I love him.

Saturday is Lexi's dance recital, we were planning on taking Kayden this year. I hope he'll be enjoying it from Heaven and hopefully he'll be cheering for his sister to do well instead of laughing at how funny she looks lol! He always would say sissy silly. LOL! She's excited & so am I. I can't believe she only has a few weeks of school left & her kindergarten year will be over WOW. Where has the time gone?!

Well I finally got a job, & will start soon. I haven't told many people where because I don't want a few people knowing where I'm at. But it'll get me & the kids our own place within the next few months. YAY. I'm excited about having my own place with the kiddos. Nervous but excited.

Tavion's birthday was on Sunday, Mother's Day....my first without my big man =[. Tavion is now 3. I have two 3 year olds....one lives in Heaven though. I'm so scared. I feel like something is gunna happen to him to. I wish I could overcome that fear...but I can't so I try not to think about how old he is....His birthday cake was Cookie Monster..because Tavion LOVES cookies and I call him cookie monster all the time lol!! His cake was made possible by Icing Smiles, they provide cakes for medical children & their siblings. Also, siblings of a medical child who's gained their wings within 2 years....They were so amazing and what they do is awesome! Bread Craft in Roanoke made his cake and it was just amazing I loved it! I'm so thankful they were able to help us!!!

I'll try to blog more often I just don't have time when I'm so sleepy & so busy all the time!! ♥

About Me

My name is Misty. I'm 26 years old from Roanoke, VA. I am a single mom to my little ones. I've got 5 kids. Alexis, Kayden, Tavion & Isaiah. Kayden is my little Angel, he went to live with the Angels July 14, 2011 waiting on a heart transplant, he was 3.5 years old. Alexis is my oldest she is almost 9, Tavion is 5, Isaiah is 4, and Elijah is 4 months. I enjoy reading, watching movies, blogging, quiet nights(when possible), and long drives listening to music. I started blogging to tell people about Kayden's journey with a broken heart, now it's about life with him as an Angel & how I deal and you'll also get to know my other little ones. You can also visit Kayden's page at www.kaydenjames.weebly.com or on facebook at www.facebook.com/KaydenJamesCHDAngel

My Family

Little Miss Lexi

Alexis is my first child & my only girl. She was born on February 9, 2006. I found out I was pregnant with Lexi 2 months after I had a miscarriage. I was quite surprised that I was pregnant but I was excited along with scared and nervous. She is the best big sister anyone could ask for. She helps with her brothers & she helps me if I need her to..She is a very smart little girl as well, right now she is in preschool. I can't believe my baby girl is almost in Kindergarten. It's true that time doesn't stop for nothing.

Superman

Kayden took his first breath on December 21, 2007 and took his last breath on July 14, 2011. Kayden was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate, dilated cardiomyopathy & a displaced tricuspid valve with tricuspid regurgitation. He had 6 surgeries in his 3 1/2 years. He had 3 to complete his cleft lip/palate, pyloric stenosis at a month old, a preauricular cyst removed & open heart surgery on March 17, 2011. He always had a smile on his face no matter how many challenges were thrown his way. I miss my child more than anything in this world. I love Kayden more than words can ever say. I am broken and will never be repaired, he was my life & my heart is shattered since he lost his battle with his CHD. I'll never stop telling his story because people need to be aware of what is possible & I would like to think that Kayden's life will save another child.

Crazy Tavy

My middle boy, Tavion James. Tavion was born on May 13, 2009 at 37 weeks. He was my biggest yet shortest baby born lol! He is a handful right now he is at the age he wants to get into everything. Although he is small still he holds his ground and has an attitude. He is starting to get into the terrible twos which is never fun but we will survive. He's an amazing little boy and always keep us smiling. Tavion has no health problems that we've noticed and hopefully he continues to stay that way.

Superman's Baby

Isaiah James was welcomed into the world on December 16, 2010 at 3:02 a.m. He weighed 7 lbs 11 oz. & was 20 1/2 inches!! He had a head full of beautiful black hair (just like his sister did). Kayden absolutely loved him and called him his baby. He's so full of energy, loves his brothers and his sister.
My Rainbow

Elijah was born on August 22, 2014, he was 7 lbs 14.8 oz. He's an absolute blessing. Elijah is my rainbow baby, I was so unsure about having more kids after I lost Kayden, but now I see Kayden picked this little fella to send me. I couldn't imagine my life without him. His smile brightens up my darkest day.