Only a few more days

So as Tuesday gets closer it scares me to death...Kayden will get the heart cath done of Tuesday and all these tests they are going to do will tell whether he needs his tricuspid valve replaced/repaired or if he will need a transplant. I'm scared and nervous. I just want to kick, scream and cry all at once..I've never been so afraid to face anything in my life until now..I know that this is the best thing for him because he isn't getting better...He's obviously gotten worse, his abdomen stays swollen from his liver being big, he hardly eats some days, he lays around and hardly EVER gets up to play with anything. He never runs around with Alexis, Lyndsee or Tavion anymore like he use to...It breaks my heart seeing him like this, especially when I remember so clearly him running around outside and inside..I remember his second Christmas when my brother got the girls a kitchen and he loved it too, he stood and played with it almost as much as they did.Even earlier this year he loved jumping on the trampoline and playing outside, then once he had surgery in June everything changed...Sometimes I feel guilty like I should have told the ENT doctor not to do the surgery because I knew he still had ear infections and he still wasn't feeling up to his self..I know I shouldn't blame myself but how can I not since all this happened after that surgery...I just hope things get better soon..Kayden is my heart and I'd be lost without him.