Wow, it's been a good month since I've blogged. So here is a sum of everything that has happened. Me & the kids moved out of my moms house, I've been working like a dog (lol), I've missed Kayden every second of every day. It's hard to believe it's been 13 months since I"ve saw his little face. I've been without internet and cable for like 2 weeks or so. & now I FINALLY have it back and can catch everyone up lol!!
I'm super excited to have my own place with the kids, it's kind of weird that it's all mine and no one can tell me how to do things around here haha. Mom has been staying here though, she has to watch the kids while I work & she helped me get things together. Me & Philip have court on the 28th of this month and the Guardian ad Litem came today. So I had to be sure things were straight for the kids. Which we did. The lady was super nice and that all went great.
While I was without internet I saw on my phone one night that a baby I had followed for awhile now passed away. He also had a CHD, my heart hurts for his mommy. Fly High little Pierce ♥
I can't express how much of a love/hate relationship I have with CHD, I mean Kayden had a CHD & I hated it because he was sick, but I love it because if he didn't have it then he would not have been my Kayden. God I miss him so much...I think some people forget that I lost him by the senseless comments that they make. Some people are just stupid. And others just word things wrong. I mean here is what I wish people could see, your child IS still here in your reach, so do NOT be sad. You can see him/here when ever you want to. My son, his soul is in Heaven, his costume he wore here, it's at the cemetery that I visit every single day. My son is out of my reach, I can't see him or hold him...or kiss him. I wish people could understand that when they say things to me. Then they wonder why I don't feel like talking to anyone.
I do a lot of talking at work, I work with the public on a daily basis. Unfortunately people I come in contact with daily, have no idea about me or my life...or my child who is no longer here. When they are rude to me, I try to brush it off but it's so hard. It makes me wish I could just go back in time and freeze it...life seemed much easier back with Kayden, even through the hospital stays or doctors appointments. I need the job and love the people I work with...well most of them most of the time LOL, but I do wish they would move me around more. That goes back to people not understanding that grieving the loss of a child is so much more different that if it were a parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle. My days are not guaranteed. When I feel like not talking or feel like crying, I really don't want to talk to ANYONE including the public (especially). This is how my life will be daily. I'll be glad when I finally get back to school and finish my degree. Because if I get a job offer in the paralegal field, yep I'll take it because I'll not do as much talking to the public as I do now. I know I will some but not every single day all 8 hours of the shift.
Anyways, that's enough ranting I'll do for one blog. I'll try to keep posting more for you guys ♥