I have handed my son over to surgeons knowing they would stop his heart, and prayed that it would beat again. I have learned more than I ever thought I could. I have cried more than I ever thought possible. I have celebrated victories and milestones that others never have to. I have walked a road I never knew existed. I will walk this road forever. I am a mommy to a CHD Angel ♥ iLy Kayden James

Friday, April 6, 2012

It's been awhile..

I've been neglecting my blog...ok so not really. I've just been so sleepy anymore at night and can't hardly keep my eyes open. SO since I just woke up about an hour ago, now is a great time to catch everyone up!!

Soo I've got exciting news, I start school on May 14 for Practical Nursing...Hopefully in the next 15 months I'll be an LPN after passing the exam. It's a 14 month program but to start out I'm gunna probably take a refresher math course. IF it were a 14 month, my graduation date would be July 14. That day will be a date I NEVER forget, **takes deep breath**, it's the day my son left this world, he took his last breath & went to live with the Angels. It's hard for me to believe that in 3 months it will make 1 year since I was forced to say my final see you laters to my child. That makes me so mad, he should be here to hold my family together when I go live with the Angels...And it hurts my heart now & will forever. I love and miss Kayden with EVERY muscle, bone, whatever in my body & NOTHING will change that I don't care how many people say it gets better, well it's been almost 9 months and it's gotten worse if anything I miss him so much...Although I did read in a book it was something like this--When all you see is your pain, perhaps that is when you lose sight of me. Which is true, so thankfully that isn't all I see, I still have happy times, but I do cry, and I do hurt..BUT I can be happy because Kayden is happy.

Today officially started Alexis & Lyndsee's spring break. They are out until the 16th, so I'll have tons of fun trying to keep them occupied lol! They are already fighting haha!! They don't get along but I guess that's to be expected from 2 girls the same age.

Monday afternoon I'm taking Tavion to Kayden's cardiologist to have his heart checked, Wednesday I take Alexis & Isaiah. Please say a prayer for them that their hearts are fine. Tavion & Isaiah had fetal echos which were fine, but if you know DCM well then you know it can develop at anytime & also Kayden's cardio said fetal echos can't tell everything so it'd be a good idea to check them. Alexis has never been checked. Tavion is the only one I have worries about. He doesn't eat much which maybe it's age but I have nothing to compare it to when it comes to boys, Lexi never went through the not eating stage & neither did Lyndsee they've both always been pigs haha! Kayden ate all the time until his heart got worse then his appetite was the first thing to go...So just some extra prayers please.

I know praying doesn't help everything. I don't care how many people say that's not true, but I have proof. I prayed every night & day over my son for God to keep him here. We had people all around the world praying for Kayden...& God still chose to take him home. So I know praying doesn't always help. Some say they are thankful for unanswered prayers. But that is one I will NEVER be thankful for. I will not wish Kayden back because I know he's better off in Heaven BUT I would love to go back in time and pause it for a little longer so I could have more time with him. I miss everything about him. Sometimes I go open his drawers in his room just to see his clothes, I can feel him and see him in everything still.

Until next time loves, have a great Friday & have a GREAT Easter Sunday & enjoy it with your family ♥

1 comment:

  1. Will Do Misty..Love You All ! Fly High Kayden..Every 1 Misses You ! You're Truley A Miracle Child & You Have The Most Amazing Mommy & Sister & Brothers ! Have Fun In Heaven ! Happy Easter Misty & Family

    <3 Jacqueline & Family