I have handed my son over to surgeons knowing they would stop his heart, and prayed that it would beat again. I have learned more than I ever thought I could. I have cried more than I ever thought possible. I have celebrated victories and milestones that others never have to. I have walked a road I never knew existed. I will walk this road forever. I am a mommy to a CHD Angel ♥ iLy Kayden James

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Confessions & goals

So I'm going to start this blog off kind of off the subject. Tonight was Alexis' ballet recital, which they did amazing <3!! It makes me so proud to see her accomplish things even as much as a ballet recital. I know in life she will accomplish much bigger things but right now that is huge for her! I was freaking out the whole time that her bun was going to fall down or her crown would fall off during the first dance they did lol!! But luckily I put enough hair spray in her hair that it didn't come down & I pushed the crown so far in her hair that it did not fall out!! I was holding my breath through it all LOL!! She had such a good time, we took her out to dinner afterwards. Since my brother didn't make it to the recital because he had to work we decided to go to Applebee's since he is the manager that way he got to see her on her big day!! Those girls really do a great job, not just the little ones but the older girls also!! They are all so talented! I know I wouldn't be able to get up there and twirl around on my toes 6 times in a row lol!! When we got home tonight she was having fun in the living room with a teddy bear pretending to do a recital LOL!! She was singing & dancing and making her bear dance!! She is too adorable <3 I hope she sticks with dance because she has some talent & she loves the stage!! She loves being in the spotlight, she may be shy at first but she opens up quickly most of the time lol!! I am one proud mommy tonight!!

So anyways I have a few confessions, first is I have thought over and over & tried OVER AND OVER again to lose weight after my kids & I'm struggling!! NOTHING works for me, I don't have time to exercise anymore I mean really when should I do it, while I'm heating up a bottle, or maybe on the way to a doctors appointment or taking a certain little girl to ballet class..I mean my life is overwhelming and to add one more thing will just put me over the edge I think! So I've came to the conclusion I'll lose it when I can..I hardly eat so it's not like I'm stuffing my face sitting on the couch watching tv all day long!! I've considered weight watchers because I hear it works...I know I shouldn't be bitching about this since I'm not really fat I just would like to get back to my pre pregnancy weight or even like 120 is fine with me lol!! NO I won't say my weight but if you seen me you'd think I had like 2 kids not 4! Another confession I'm SO EXCITED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!! FINALLY I get to go back next term I feel like I've been out forever, but it will feel SO good to get out of the house & be around other adults again lmao!! My brain kind of turns to mush after being around 5 kids all ages of 5 & below!! I've also wanted to get this out there too..I want to move FAR away from Virginia but I'm scared to because of Kaydens doctors being here & I'm afraid to change them since I love them all so much!! So for awhile I'm stuck where I am...

I was thinking the other day I need to set some goals in life for myself. I mean I had goals and then Kayden got sick so my life got put on hold so I could get him taken care of. And since right now he is pretty stable I think I can start making more goals...Here they are: 1. Graduate college 2. Find a job 3. Save money 4. Move out & hopefully buy a house 5. MAYBE go back to school for nursing. All these I hope to achieve in the next 5 years! I really want a better life for my kids & I really hope all this gets taken care of!! But I know that in reality anything can happen that will push things back, so I'm not totally unrealistic!! Anyways I'll have pictures up soon of Alexis' recital, I left my camera in the car & it's my bedtime!! Goodnight <3

1 comment:

  1. Awwww You're Beyond Blessed & An Amazing Mommy..Love You 5 !! Glad She Had A Blast @ Her Recital !