I have handed my son over to surgeons knowing they would stop his heart, and prayed that it would beat again. I have learned more than I ever thought I could. I have cried more than I ever thought possible. I have celebrated victories and milestones that others never have to. I have walked a road I never knew existed. I will walk this road forever. I am a mommy to a CHD Angel ♥ iLy Kayden James

Saturday, November 3, 2012


Who is your inspiration? I mean who truly inspires you to do the things you do or be a better person. We all have that one person who you turn to when you need some uplifting. Mine is Kayden, he's my greatest inspiration, he's the one who has made me become a better person..I am completely different than I was 5 years ago. He's the reason I want to raise CHD Awareness, he is the reason I want to help other heart families during their time of need. He is the one I talk to when I'm down and can't get out of the dark places. Kayden may be my baby and he may not be here with us but he is who I turn to when I need to make my day brighter. To be honest, before I had him, I never thought about inspiration, or things like that. Now I can almost choose the right words for every single situation and day. I find those words by making the best out of a tragedy. Losing my son was the worst thing ever in this world I'll ever have to deal with. But I've tried looking at it as something good coming out of it, Kayden's been in the news all around the world during CHD Awareness week, I will keep working my ass off for it to happen again, I have been slacking when it comes to my Mended Little Hearts group in Roanoke, I've had a lot on me that last few months. But my goal is to have it complete and chartered by Spring.

The last few days have been hard on our family. My grandma is getting really bad and will be joining Kayden and my grandpa any day now I'm pretty sure. They took her to the hospital the other day she was unresponsive, her oxygen was low and her heart rate was everywhere...They've sent her home on hospice, and letting nature takes it's course. She's not opening her eyes or talking. She can still swallow so that's good. I'll keep you guys updated on her as the days pass. But it's refreshing the pain of losing Kayden, the days before and the days after. This is what my grandma wants though, she's waited for it. She wants to be with our Lord and my grandpa. I know Kayden and my grandpa will be waiting on her, they are getting her spot ready, and when she finally opens her eyes on the other side, she will be where she's wanted to be for the last 13 years. Please keep our family in your prayers..

On the other hand, I've been finding myself thinking about this certain someone lately. I'm afraid to get my emotions involved because I'm afraid of being hurt again. I'm also afraid the kids' dad will be an even bigger asshole...So I don't know what really to do with that. I've been single for the last 3 years, so it'll be good to have someone there again, but this time this person seems like a very awesome person and doesn't seem to be a douche bag...like the ones I normally attract. I don't know I guess time will only tell where this goes. God will point me in the right direction, I know.

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