I have handed my son over to surgeons knowing they would stop his heart, and prayed that it would beat again. I have learned more than I ever thought I could. I have cried more than I ever thought possible. I have celebrated victories and milestones that others never have to. I have walked a road I never knew existed. I will walk this road forever. I am a mommy to a CHD Angel ♥ iLy Kayden James

Friday, December 23, 2011

Just a girl trying to find her way

I can not believe Christmas is already here. Really it seems like it was just now 2011. Where has the year gone? I don't know about yours but I know for me it's been the worst year of my life...I'm not even going to get into it because you've probably read about it all in the past blogs of mine and if you are a friend of mine then you know my struggles and what I deal with daily....Anyways, at one time in my life I knew who I was and who & where I wanted to be. But anymore I'm just a girl, just a girl trying to find her place in this big world...I wish I could figure it out but it's so confusing most days...I guess one day I'll find out who I am again. Until then I'll stay lost in the rain and stumbling over my own to feet like always.....One day I'll find someone who loves me for who I am & want to be in my kids' life...if not then oh well I'm kinda use to doing it alone...I always wanted a family but anymore I just want me and my kids...the rest is just trouble.
Wow so Christmas Eve....It seems like it should still be June!! UGH, I already know the next few days are going to be emotional hell for me..I miss Kayden so much and hate he will not be here but I know he is having the best Christmas EVER in Heaven this year & forever...I'm so glad he is no longer hurting but the pain I feel is horrible...I wish I could kiss him or hug him or talk to him...I caught a little bit of his smell the other day in his room....yea I guess you can say I'm crazy but I did and I knew he was there ♥ I miss that little man =[
So if I don't get to write again before Christmas I want to wish you ALL a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! My heart goes out to all of my other Angel mommies this year I'll be saying a special prayer for all of you ♥

1 comment:

  1. Merry ChristMas Misty & Family..Fly High Kayden..We All <3 & Miss You More Than Words Can Ever Explain In A Zillion Years !