Strength.Courage.Hope: Just a girl trying to find her way

Friday, December 23, 2011

Just a girl trying to find her way

I can not believe Christmas is already here. Really it seems like it was just now 2011. Where has the year gone? I don't know about yours but I know for me it's been the worst year of my life...I'm not even going to get into it because you've probably read about it all in the past blogs of mine and if you are a friend of mine then you know my struggles and what I deal with daily....Anyways, at one time in my life I knew who I was and who & where I wanted to be. But anymore I'm just a girl, just a girl trying to find her place in this big world...I wish I could figure it out but it's so confusing most days...I guess one day I'll find out who I am again. Until then I'll stay lost in the rain and stumbling over my own to feet like always.....One day I'll find someone who loves me for who I am & want to be in my kids' life...if not then oh well I'm kinda use to doing it alone...I always wanted a family but anymore I just want me and my kids...the rest is just trouble.
Wow so Christmas Eve....It seems like it should still be June!! UGH, I already know the next few days are going to be emotional hell for me..I miss Kayden so much and hate he will not be here but I know he is having the best Christmas EVER in Heaven this year & forever...I'm so glad he is no longer hurting but the pain I feel is horrible...I wish I could kiss him or hug him or talk to him...I caught a little bit of his smell the other day in his room....yea I guess you can say I'm crazy but I did and I knew he was there ♥ I miss that little man =[
So if I don't get to write again before Christmas I want to wish you ALL a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! My heart goes out to all of my other Angel mommies this year I'll be saying a special prayer for all of you ♥

1 comment:

AnonymousDecember 24, 2011 at 1:53 AM
Merry ChristMas Misty & Family..Fly High Kayden..We All <3 & Miss You More Than Words Can Ever Explain In A Zillion Years !
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About Me

My name is Misty. I'm 26 years old from Roanoke, VA. I am a single mom to my little ones. I've got 5 kids. Alexis, Kayden, Tavion & Isaiah. Kayden is my little Angel, he went to live with the Angels July 14, 2011 waiting on a heart transplant, he was 3.5 years old. Alexis is my oldest she is almost 9, Tavion is 5, Isaiah is 4, and Elijah is 4 months. I enjoy reading, watching movies, blogging, quiet nights(when possible), and long drives listening to music. I started blogging to tell people about Kayden's journey with a broken heart, now it's about life with him as an Angel & how I deal and you'll also get to know my other little ones. You can also visit Kayden's page at www.kaydenjames.weebly.com or on facebook at www.facebook.com/KaydenJamesCHDAngel

My Family

Little Miss Lexi

Alexis is my first child & my only girl. She was born on February 9, 2006. I found out I was pregnant with Lexi 2 months after I had a miscarriage. I was quite surprised that I was pregnant but I was excited along with scared and nervous. She is the best big sister anyone could ask for. She helps with her brothers & she helps me if I need her to..She is a very smart little girl as well, right now she is in preschool. I can't believe my baby girl is almost in Kindergarten. It's true that time doesn't stop for nothing.

Superman

Kayden took his first breath on December 21, 2007 and took his last breath on July 14, 2011. Kayden was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate, dilated cardiomyopathy & a displaced tricuspid valve with tricuspid regurgitation. He had 6 surgeries in his 3 1/2 years. He had 3 to complete his cleft lip/palate, pyloric stenosis at a month old, a preauricular cyst removed & open heart surgery on March 17, 2011. He always had a smile on his face no matter how many challenges were thrown his way. I miss my child more than anything in this world. I love Kayden more than words can ever say. I am broken and will never be repaired, he was my life & my heart is shattered since he lost his battle with his CHD. I'll never stop telling his story because people need to be aware of what is possible & I would like to think that Kayden's life will save another child.

Crazy Tavy

My middle boy, Tavion James. Tavion was born on May 13, 2009 at 37 weeks. He was my biggest yet shortest baby born lol! He is a handful right now he is at the age he wants to get into everything. Although he is small still he holds his ground and has an attitude. He is starting to get into the terrible twos which is never fun but we will survive. He's an amazing little boy and always keep us smiling. Tavion has no health problems that we've noticed and hopefully he continues to stay that way.

Superman's Baby

Isaiah James was welcomed into the world on December 16, 2010 at 3:02 a.m. He weighed 7 lbs 11 oz. & was 20 1/2 inches!! He had a head full of beautiful black hair (just like his sister did). Kayden absolutely loved him and called him his baby. He's so full of energy, loves his brothers and his sister.
My Rainbow

Elijah was born on August 22, 2014, he was 7 lbs 14.8 oz. He's an absolute blessing. Elijah is my rainbow baby, I was so unsure about having more kids after I lost Kayden, but now I see Kayden picked this little fella to send me. I couldn't imagine my life without him. His smile brightens up my darkest day.