I have handed my son over to surgeons knowing they would stop his heart, and prayed that it would beat again. I have learned more than I ever thought I could. I have cried more than I ever thought possible. I have celebrated victories and milestones that others never have to. I have walked a road I never knew existed. I will walk this road forever. I am a mommy to a CHD Angel ♥ iLy Kayden James

Friday, December 2, 2011

December be nice.

Gosh I can't believe it's already December. I still feel like I'm stuck in July sometimes. I guess that feeling will fade with time. It's scary & hard to move forward but it's oh so dangerous to look back. So tonight was the Christmas parade, I was disappointed because it wasn't as good as previous years. I'm glad Kayden got to see all the awesomeness in it last year lol. I missed him terribly tonight but I'm sure he was there probably sitting on top of the firetruck with Santa lol. Tavion was a little brat but what else is new right? lol the girls had fun of course, especially Santa ♥ Life is so easy when you're young. Sunday is Lexi's Christmas show I'm so excited to watch them, those girls really work hard!! I'll try to get pictures of it to share! Some times they don't turn out very well.

Anyways, December is a busy month for us, Isaiah will be 1 on the 16th, his birthday party is next week as I had planned months ago & Kayden's was going to be the 17th because his 4th birthday is on the 21st. I'm still taking new toy donations for the toy drive I'm doing for the PICU at UVa. I'm a little disappointed because I haven't gotten many and a lot of people said they'd send toys. So since I'm doing this in his MEMORY I'm sure some of you may see why it's disappointing and upsetting to me. We're also doing a balloon release on his birthday for him so if you'd like to release a balloon for Kayden on his birthday the theme is yellow & light blue for Spongebob!!!  Christmas will be hard this year so I'm trying to get the tears out now, I've cried every night the last few days. I miss that little face and his little voice. I have to listen to his videos some days because I miss him sooo much and just want to hear him. When I hear that voice it will make it better some days, but others it makes it worse.

One thing I've seen lately, a lot of people don't want to hear a word Angel mommies have to say with their experience...or maybe it's just Kayden 's & my experience. I'm tempted to just delete everyone no my facebook except my Angel moms & people I know personally. I mean I loved hearing the experience of our CHD Angel's because something that happened to them I tried to be sure our doctors didn't do the same..unless it was absolutely needed. I don't know, maybe they mean nothing by it by not responding to what we say...but maybe they should at least acknowledge when we speak so we don't feel like we're being ignored. My son faught his hardest and I hate saying he was weak so I say Kayden was tired so he went to sleep, he was FAR from weak so I dare someone to say that. I guess we'll see how it goes, if people do keep ignoring what I have to say when it comes to suggestions, or experiences then I will be deleting people from my facebook. I don't need them if they don't want to acknowledge my son was alive and my son did experience similar situations. Happy Holidays everyone! I hope they treat us all well especially my Angel mommies ♥

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