I have handed my son over to surgeons knowing they would stop his heart, and prayed that it would beat again. I have learned more than I ever thought I could. I have cried more than I ever thought possible. I have celebrated victories and milestones that others never have to. I have walked a road I never knew existed. I will walk this road forever. I am a mommy to a CHD Angel ♥ iLy Kayden James

Friday, September 30, 2011


Somewhere today a mother is holding her child's lifeless body for the last time. Somewhere today a mother is hugging her child before they head in for surgery. Somewhere today a family gets the phone call they've waited for. Somewhere today a mother is missing her child who's now an Angel. One thing all these people have in common, they are all affected by a heart defect. They are all praying, praying for hope and praying for the strength to get through this awful journey.
I am one of those who misses their Angel, it's almost been 3 months since I held my little boy & cried over him. Kissing his cold head telling him, it'll be okay now he's in God's hands & no longer hurting. My heart breaks for the families who are being told today their baby will have a heart defect. It breaks for the family that's praying while the doctors are trying to bring their child back. My heart is shattered and will always be from hearing the words 'he's gone' they haunt me. I never wanted to hear it NEVER. I miss my baby more than anything and I would do anything to see & hear him. As I was looking through pictures the other night from Boston, I can still remember all of that like it was yesterday, I can still feel Kayden's hand holding mine...I talked to him and told him he's gunna be okay once I seen him. This pain is horrible. It'll never go away I'll learn to live with it eventually but it seems to be getting worse. Each day that passes seems like more of a struggle to get through. Sure you can say I have more kids. They still are not Kayden, they can never take his place. They are the reason I keep going though, I know they need me so it's worth getting up in the morning. I just don't understand why some kids get the second chance at living and others don't..Kayden fought so hard and it's NOT FAIR, he didn't make it. I hate heart defects. They are killing our kids, and it makes me sick how many kids don't make it..Just pray you never ever ever have to feel this pain that I & so many others deal with daily.

No comments:

Post a Comment