I have handed my son over to surgeons knowing they would stop his heart, and prayed that it would beat again. I have learned more than I ever thought I could. I have cried more than I ever thought possible. I have celebrated victories and milestones that others never have to. I have walked a road I never knew existed. I will walk this road forever. I am a mommy to a CHD Angel ♥ iLy Kayden James

Thursday, July 28, 2011

My Angel

I miss him so much. Yesterday was 2 weeks and it seems like it's been a lifetime ago when I had him with me. I think of him every single day every second. Most of his flowers from his funeral are dying and getting ugly. He has about 3 left that look okay. I hate that flowers die =[. They start out so beautiful I wish I could keep them that way. Anyways so a little off topic. I still can't believe that he's gone. I accept the fact he is gone & isn't coming back. I know that, I don't like that EVERYTHING we have fought for in 3 1/2 years was taken away within like 10 mins. That is what makes it so hard, is it happened so quickly..no warning. I know it's bad to say but I can't wait until I'm with him again, I honestly wouldn't care when it'd be as long as I can be with my little love again <3. I try not to cry every time his 2 year old brother kisses a picture of Kayden or kisses Kayden's Mickey Mouse pillow and tells it good night, or how he gets SO excited to see a picture. It makes me sad when Alexis says, I miss seein Kayden. My kids didn't deserve to lose their brother just like I shouldn't of had to bury my son...MY SON SHOULD HAVE BURIED ME!!!

I hate all this. I hate CHDs. I hate that some of our kids don't make it. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT HEART DEFECTS. AND IT PISSES ME OFF YOU DON'T HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT THEM! It is the NUMBER 1 BIRTH DEFECT but yet we hear nothing of them. WOW. Really? What kind of world is this? I hate their is no cure. Transplant? NO that is NOT a cure it's a lifetime of meds, biopsies, possible rejection, blood work, etc. It's just another treatment. NOT a cure. I'll fight until it's my time to go for all of our CHD Angels, Warriors & the transplant survivors to raise awareness & help funding <3 I promised I would fight for Kayden until MY heart stops beating. And I intend on keeping that promise! I love & miss you baby boy <3 Always & forever

1 comment:

  1. Awwwww That Made Me Cry..You're An Amazing Mother Misty & I Love You 5 So Much..RIP Bubba!Fly High With The Angels!