This year I know will bring LOTS of memories, first off me & my brother are planning a trip to Vegas..WOO..I'm super stoked for that!!! We plan on going either in February or March, and we are gunna go to Vegas a few days, then Cali a couple days & possibly to Washington a couple days..because if you know me then you know my obsession with Twilight & the vampires LOL so we might get to go the Twilight Tour they have in Forks!! Well anyways I get to go back to school again in March after taking this term off WOO you know I'm super excited for that too considering I have 2 terms and I'll have my associates degree in paralegal studies..although I still want to get a bachelors in nursing or something in nursing..After everything I've been through with Kayden I have no doubts I couldn't do it, hell most people would be surprised at what I do know and I've never had a medical class lol..Yes so maybe I may sound a little confident but hey why shouldn't I be? Look at what he's gone through and the things I've had to do to get him to where he is today!! Anyways, one thing that scares the life out of me is that I KNOW that at some point this year a decision will be made about what to do about my baby boys heart!! With the transplant evaluation getting closer, we go on January 26 to talk to the social worker in Charlottesville & to see the transplant cardiologist..So once the evaluation is done I'm assuming is when they will decide if he needs a transplant or not!! I'm so scared I read the booklet thing they gave me to read and it's so much and it makes me want to cry and about hyperventilate when I think about my son needing a transplant..I try to be calm about it and most people would probably say I seem so okay with it when really I'm not, it kills me to think about it or even try to imagine telling him goodbye before surgery just because I won't be sure if I'll ever see him again..I know I should NOT think like that but it's the reality of it when you have a child with a CHD and needing a transplant or will have a transplant..I don't know what to expect everyday when I wake up and don't hear him in his room..I don't know what to expect when I go get him & Tavion up from a nap because I hear Tavion but don't hear a movement from Kayden!! Walk a day in my shoes and you'll understand the feeling of terror I feel when he is sick or when he's in the hospital & doctors are telling you this stuff, or how about when he's crying and screaming from the needles being poked into him trying to get a good vein I know that's not good for his little heart and it breaks my heart because his veins are no good and they have to stick him so much =/...ANYWAYS I've got tears in my eyes just seeing those visions in my head from just a month ago...Anyways onto my baby girl..Well who isn't such a baby anymore!! Alexis will be 5 in a month =[ which means this coming Fall she will be in Kindergarten & I will feel the sadness of my first child slowly slipping away from me =/!! Once she is in real school not preschool I know that time will go by so fast and before I know it she'll be a teenager & I'm sure getting her heart broken for the first time which will break my heart, because I will definitely know the feeling of a broken heart because even though it's been awhile it seems like just yesterday I can remember having my heart broken for the first time!! So yes this Fall everyone will get to see me cry because I'm seeing my little girl off to Kindergarten =/..And it's silly kind of because people ask me all the time how I do it with 4 kids & even I have people asking me for advice about things but ya know I'm still learning every single day of my life because, yes I've been through the baby days & the toddler days but I haven't ever been through anything I'm about to experience with Alexis I think sometimes people forget she is my first so I don't know much about when they get a little older...So yess I'm still kind of like a new mom when it comes to Alexis!! All her staying home with mommy days are quickly becoming only a memory for me & it breaks my heart because she is my only girl =[...Anyways I pray that 2011 brings Kayden good health & I pray that God gives Kayden, our family & myself the strength to get through everything that is ahead of him, & I pray that this year doesn't go by as fast as last year so I can take in the memories me & Alexis will make before this coming Fall!! Until next time, have a good night =]
Baby's First New Year!!
Silly kids but I wouldn't have it any other way lol
My little man needing a hair cut LOL <3 his heart
Lexi & Tavion.. I love this one even though they both look pretty crazy lol