I have handed my son over to surgeons knowing they would stop his heart, and prayed that it would beat again. I have learned more than I ever thought I could. I have cried more than I ever thought possible. I have celebrated victories and milestones that others never have to. I have walked a road I never knew existed. I will walk this road forever. I am a mommy to a CHD Angel ♥ iLy Kayden James

Thursday, August 25, 2011

I am strong because I am weak...

I want to share this quote it's been a favorite of mine for sometime now. And if you have me as a friend on facebook you know I made it my status just now and I have before.
I am STRONG because I am Weak.
I am Beautiful because I know my flaws.
I am a Lover because I am a Fighter.
I am FEARLESS because I have been afraid.
I am WISE because I have been foolish.
& I can Laugh because I've known sadness.

I'm strong because I'm weak: I've made it through so much in the past 3 1/2 years with my son and I have came through it with having a break down from time to time so that made me weak but at the same time made me strong.
I am Beautiful because I know my flaws: I know I'm not perfect. I'm not one of the girls out here who try to be more than what they are. I don't put myself out there to look like a whore like most people my age do. I know I'm not skinny anymore so I don't try to be and wear clothes 2 sizes too small.
I am a Lover because I am a Fighter: I have proven I will fight until the end for someone I love with no end. Which would in any case be my child. I will no longer fight or lose friends over a guy like I have before.
I am FEARLESS because I have been Afriad: My worst fear and a mother's worst fear, losing their child. I was afraid of that it scared me so bad I had nightmares and would wake up crying.
I am WISE because I have been foolish: I would consider mostly everything I ever did in my childhood foolish I did some things I wish I wouldn't had and I did things that I learned from. I wouldn't be who I am now if I wouldn't have done those stupid things.
And I can Laugh because I've known sadness: I had a miscarriage at the age of 17. I lost my 3 year old son...Losing a child, there is no greater sadness on this earth.

I am 23 years old, a single mom to 3 kids here on this earth and 2 kids in Heaven. I have seen things some people haven't seen by the age of 40 or even in their whole entire life. I faced trials at the age of 20 while my old friends were enjoying their college life. While my old friends were enjoying their college graduation I was worried my son would not live through the night. I am 23 years old and I have known pain, I have seen how strong you can be in times where you should fall to your knees and pray for God to take over your life. I have been through more in the last 3.5 years than some have been through in their whole lives. For that I am strong, I AM fearless, and I AM wise. All before the age of 25.


  1. I am so sorry for the loss you've suffered, I pray for you and your family, keep strong!

  2. I stumbled upon your site by googling something. I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. I started reading and was taken back when I read your Son's name, Kayden Ferris. That is my son's name. However we spell it Caden. I can't imagine the sadness/heartache you have been thru. I went thru alot w/my son as a baby but nothing compared to you. Stay strong and I am sure Kayden is looking down very proud of his Mommy.